Support for Family and Loved Ones of Transgender Surgery Patients

Supporting a transgender individual who is determined to seek gender identity satisfaction is a difficult, complicated, and often long-term undertaking. It requires love, understanding and a willingness to look past personal beliefs and traditional social conventions and preconceived moral or social attitudes.

There are many resources that can be explored to find information and support for family, friends and partners of transgender patients undergoing a gender transition process. Begin by consulting the websites of national organizations established for the purpose of supporting this segment of the population:  Transgender Network (TNET), an arm of PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), a long-established national non-profit organization with many local chapters. www.community.pflag.org, or the International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE), a non-profit advocacy organization. www.ifge.org. Locate the local chapters of these organizations and use their services. See Helpful Links for more resources.

Other organizations founded specifically to assist family members and loved ones include: TransFamily, a support group for transgender and transsexual people, their parents, partners, children, other family members, and friends, and the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), www.transfamily.org, an international organization that provides personal, confidential support and information to heterosexual spouses/partners, current or former, of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender mates and mixed-orientation couples for constructively resolving problems. www.straightspouse.org. For more resources, see Helpful Links.

If there are no family support groups in your area, consider starting one. National organizations can help you contact other gender non-conforming,transgender, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transsexual groups or individuals in your area. You may find contacts through medical association listings for “Gender Dysphoria or GID family support groups”.

Acknowledgment and Acceptance

An important step in becoming an effective supporter is acknowledging that your loved one has a valid reason for wanting to make a transition. Educate yourself and your family about gender variance and try to comprehend what a detrimental effect the stress and frustration of identifying with a sex and/or gender other than those you were designated at birth. Educate yourself about the various social and physical aspects of gender transition and acknowledge that there are many valid paths through the gender confirmation process, no “right” or “wrong” way.

Be flexible and accommodating in helping your loved one to try out various lifestyle alterations or therapy, assisting with changes in name, dress, living accommodations and social situations. Express your concerns, but stay positive in your support and– above all–be patient.

For some interesting insights and furth er resources, see the professional website of Anne M. Vitale, Ph.D., a noted psychologist specializing in treating transgender and transsexual individuals. The site includes essays, lectures and a comprehensive list of additional resources for relatives of transgender patients, www.avitale.com.

A lifetime Commitment

Support for a loved one who has chosen to undergo the sometimes long and difficult process of gender transition does not end once surgery is over. Social and psychological counseling may continue to resolve issues that predated the transition, and in most cases hormone therapy will be ongoing. The challenges of acceptance of the new gender by family, friends, the community and in professional life will require support and understanding.

The reward for seeing your loved one through a gender transition will be in witnessing the satisfaction, self-confidence and peace they find in finally living in harmony with their self-identified gender.